The Barefoot Kitchen Witch

Much Needed

I had one of those mornings today.

One of those "what the hell am I doing???" mornings.

One of those mornings where I am grabbed around the neck by the fear that I've made the wrong decisions...the wrong choices...that I've wasted time...that I'm going nowhere...that I'm well on my way to becoming a failure as a person.

Not as a mother. 

But as me.  Whoever that's supposed to be.

I'm working on it. 

But anyway, I gave myself a few short reminders.  Things to think about. 

Like...

"Look neither to the right nor to the left."

I have no idea if that's a real quote from somewhere.

But basically, it's my way of reminding myself not to check on anyone else's progress and just to focus on my own.  Not to compare myself - and find myself lacking in the process.  But just to keep going forward.

And another one...

"Just do something."

That one used to be the slogan I borrowed from Nike - "Just do it." 

But IT can be daunting, because it's ALL of IT.

And that's a big bite.

And so rather than paralyzing myself with the order to JUST DO IT, I am trying to keep myself going by just doing SOMETHING toward that IT.  Each day.

Even when I'm overflowing with doubt and self criticism.  And, you know, fear. 

And so I resolved to do something today.

I was in the kitchen - my office, sort of - checking email and other blogs.

And - entirely by surprise - I came across this post on Red Pony Farm.

Entirely by surprise.

I stared at the screen and felt my heart and spirit lift a bit. 

I SO needed that today.  So very much.

Thank you, Edna Leigh Libby, for writing that kind post.

It helped me today.   

Elbows In

Today is my Dad's birthday - Happy Birthday, Dad!

I've mentioned this before, but my father is a photographer (retired) and he is responsible (or at fault) for putting a loaded camera in my hands at a young age and letting me loose on the neighborhood.

It was one of those boxy little cameras that used a flash cube...I shot the roll of black and white film in a matter of oh, seconds, probably, and went back to the basement door in our kitchen and called down to him "Now what?"

He stuck his head out of the darkroom and answered "You're done already?"

And I haven't changed a whole lot since then.  Too bad the digital age hadn't hit yet - my parents probably could have bought a summer home in the mountains with the money they'd have saved on film and flash cubes.

But then, if it had been the digital age, I would never have learned how to process a roll of film - including how to load that roll of film in complete darkness, just by touch.  I would never have learned to print contact sheets, with all my little images in nearly-neat rows on a single 8 x 10 sheet.  I would never have encountered the pure magic of printing a picture and watching the paper as it rested in the developer tray, waiting, rocking the tray gently, practically coaxing the hidden image to slowly appear.  My picture.  That I took.  And processed.  And printed.  Myself.

So in honor of my father, and to give him a good laugh as well, probably, here are a few old pictures I dug out, pictures I took (as evidenced by every single flaw you can see).

This is our back deck, and in the back you can see the grill...and in front of that - some buckets, and some little tiny blurry things.  Those are some of my little plastic farm animals and my little tiny Fisher Price people.  Note the...well, the blurriness, and the crookedness...it was ART.

Next up, my younger sister.  Even then she was interested in karate...that must be some sort of kata she's doing.  And of course, THAT would explain the blur of the picture.  Nothing to do with me.

That's the vegetable garden behind her.

Since I'd mastered black and white so handily, I was quickly promoted to color....

I specialized in group photos of both people and animals.  Here's a shot I took in our kitchen (see the wallpaper in the back?  I love that wallpaper.  I wish I had some.  Just to look at.  All different kinds of flowers all over it.  Sigh.).  Note how EVEN THEN, I was rather, um, overly organized, and if you look closely, not only are all the animals grouped by species, but also by color.  Especially over there on the right.  I don't even know what all the little black and blue and red things are, but at least they are grouped by color.  Very important on a farm.  And see the happy Fisher Price family in front.  Not dead center - no, it's a much more visually interesting image BECAUSE they are off center.  I was quite the prodigy. 

The one good thing (well, one of so many) about this shot, is that it's not as blurry as the previous two.  Clearly, I was improving.  I remember my father's mantra - "keep your elbows in" - keep them tucked against your body, to steady the camera.  If you can keep yourself still, even in the middle of a strong wind, the picture will be the better for it. 

I could go on and enlarge that to mean something more universal, but I've got to get the kids ready for school, so I'll leave that up to anyone else reading this.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Dad.  I'm keeping my elbows in!

Love,

Jayne

Icy Wonderland

A few pictures I shot this morning...

 

Of course, after prowling around the front yard and then skipping any shots in the back yard because the sun wasn't up enough, I stepped on the pavement just before the back stairs and felt my left foot slip forward and then my right (because I wasn't looking down, I was looking all around for more glimmering ice on the trees) and I nearly went over backwards.  I mention this mostly for my sister, who will appreciate the humor in the near fall and awkward recovery.  And would appreciate the humor even if I did fall over and crack my skull on the driveway.

Yay! No School Today!

Snow snow snow!!!

I'm so goofy, I know.

The snow began around here somewhere between one and three-thirty in the morning.  Bill got the call last night (he's a teacher) that there would be no school today, and when I checked the no school listings on the local news, just about every school in the state is closed.  So no school for Alex, either.  And since I'm currently not employed, I don't have to dig out the driveway and creep in to work.  YAY FOR ME, TOO!

It's the wet kind of snow that sticks to everything - and consequently, it's a winter wonderland outside.  It's also perfect snowman-making weather, igloo-making weather, snowball fight weather....

Yay!

My Kids, on a recent spring-like day

Yesterday's Morning Sky

Who spilled the pink?

Morning Sky in Narragansett

Went down to visit my sister this morning...took a bit of a detour and shot a few pictures...

To see them all, you can go here.

Because Getting Help is Not a Sign of Failure

It is a sign of strength.

An enormous thank you to Heather for writing this post and many others like it.

She says it all perfectly.  Go read it.

Glisten

Last night's rain became this morning's ice.  After Bill left for work I went outside and took a few pictures...and then after I brought Alex to kindergarten and Julia to daycare, I brought the car seats back to the house so Bill could pick up the kids later, and then I slid around on the icy driveway and slipped on the frosted grass in the back yard to explore and capture more of this "wintery fairyland..." 

What Resonates

When I wrote this post last week, I mainly just wrote it for myself as a way of tying some experiences together, and for my mother, whose father I'd written about in the post.  Many (well, many for my blog) people have commented on this post, and I am glad it has touched people. 

And then this morning I read this writer's post about a similar, but also very different, experience.  I thank her for sharing her story.  Go read for yourselves....