The Barefoot Kitchen Witch

Almost Back

Hi,

I know, posting has been very light this past week or so.  Sorry about that.   I'd intended to get back to some sort of regular writing schedule before now, but it didn't happen.  This is the first time I've actually had time off (okay, I'm unemployed, but still) with my family that didn't have to do with any of them being sick.  It's been an actual vacation, of sorts.  And so I've...vacated.  Kind of.  We've been mainly living off of holiday leftovers until last night, and I've done as little around here as possible.  I've sat around reading.  I've napped.  I've played Free Cell on the computer til my eyes hurt.  I've done little art projects with the kids.  I haven't baked a single cookie.  (okay, I used up the puff pastry dough left over from the pain au chocolate, but that doesn't count in my mind, since the dough was already made.)

I almost baked bread yesterday, but I never got around to it.  I took a two hour nap instead. 

Part of this is because Julia hasn't been well (okay, so that blows the no-kids-were-sick-in-the-taking-of-this-vacation) - she'd had a tick bite about a month ago and then two weeks later her ear got swollen and red.  They put her on an antibiotic, which seemed to do the trick, but then within the last week she's been waking up crying (really crying, not just whining) and said her ear hurt.  I brought her back to the doctor this past Thursday, and now she's on another antibiotic - one they use to combat lyme disease.  I still don't think it was a deer tick, but better safe than sorry.  She's been waking up in the middle of the night a few times, very weepy, very clingy, very much in need of lying on the couch in the middle of the night with mommy and watching cooking shows.  I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a while now.  But finally, last night, the improvement seemed to begin.  Because though she woke up, she wasn't AS miserable.  Just had to go potty, and have some juice, and watch a bit of a cooking show before going back to bed VOLUNTARILY.  And she woke up early this morning, but still - it was a lot better than it has been.  So looks like the new meds are working.  Her ear looks better, and the red splotchyness that had started between her ear and eye on the left side has diminished.  So - GOOD.  It's a two-week prescription.  Hopefully that will knock it all out of her system.

So that's one part.

And I think the other part of my lethargy has been the combo of holiday prepwork (fun) and the end of my employment at a job I've had for a long time. 

I felt kind of...I don't know.  In limbo.  Falling.  Floating.  Lost.  Scared.  Relaxed.  Worried.  In a panic.  Depressed.  Excited. 

All kinds of stuff.  But initially it was mostly the draining feelings.  The OHMYGODNOWWHATAMIGOINGTODO?????? feelings.  The "I'm a loser" feelings.  Yeah.  They can drag on you and make it hard to want to take a shower each morning.

But I started feeling a little more positive about things yesterday.  The better feelings started to kick in.  The re-realization that this is a huge OPPORTUNITY for me, if I approach it that way, and that yes, despite my not infrequent feelings of uselessness, I DO have some creative abilities that I SHOULD be making better use of.  And that the main thing, really, is to (this is the hardest thing for me) believe in myself.  It's corny and cliched (clicheed?)(a cliche), but it's true.  My biggest obstacle is my own self doubt. 

It helps, for me, to develop a sort of rebellious, "oh YEAH?!" kind of mind set.  I don't know why.  But somehow, it motivates me if I have something to prove.  So, I'll use that for a while.  I can't sustain it forever, but it's a good way to kick start myself.

I'm still on vacation, in my mind.  I'll finish that up once the school year starts and we have our daily routines again. 

And then?  Onward.

Unbearable Cuteness

I mean, really.

Next?

I planned on making two more batches of cookies today.  Shortbread and probably biscotti.  I figured that would do it as far as having enough cookies to give out to everyone. 

I was nearing the finish line - already had cookies packed up for a few of the neighbors.  Just had two more for Bill's side (meaning an emphasis on the German cookies) and three tins for my side (meaning all the broken cookies - JUST KIDDING EVERYONE!) and that would be it.

So I figured I'd do the two tins for Bill's side first, since I knew I had all of those cookies available.  Packed them up.  Done.

And I looked around...and...hmmm...this...this is really weird...um...Bill?  Um...I think...I think I have enough.

It was a painful admission.

I don't even know why.  Maybe because it was so unexpected.  Maybe because my entire existence this past month has been all about COOKIES AND COOKIES AND OH YEAH, MORE COOKIES and now, if I don't have cookies to bake...then...who am I???

But fear not, for I still have plenty of other kitchen stuff to do.  We'll have people over on Christmas Eve AND Christmas day, all of whom will be ravenous, I'm sure.  So on Christmas Eve, which will be with Bill's side of the family, we will have sauerbraten, spaetzle, red cabbage, broccoli casserole, some sauerkraut (not homemade - I have some in the freezer), and a loaf of pumpernickel bread, which I will bake tomorrow.  And for dessert, a huge springerle cookie (by big, I mean bigger than a dinner plate) made from the mold you see below.  I bought it several years ago from House on the Hill and I make one every year. 

I just checked their website - the mold is 13  1/2 inches in diameter.  It's big.  And it's beautiful.  It's very detailed, and sometimes hard to get all the dough pressed in deep enough (without it getting stuck) to get all that detail to show in the finished product.  But it's fun to try, and even if it isn't perfect, it's still fun to trot it out.

I'll also (fingers crossed) be making pain au chocolate to have on Christmas morning.  I buy these Callebaut semi-sweet chocolate sticks and this year I'm using the recipe that King Arthur Flour sent along with them.  It's basically a chocolate croissant.  So...yum.  If I make them tomorrow, then I can just reheat them Tuesday morning.

And I'll be up early Tuesday.  We're having roast beef and yorkshire pudding, and the last couple of times I've had Christmas at my house, instead of roasting the beef, I've browned it on all sides (it's a 5 rib roast - rather unwieldy, but I like a challenge) and then put it in a 200 degree F (yes that's correct - two hundred degree) oven and cook it "low and slow" - about half an hour per pound.  So, it's a 12.5 pound hunk of cow, so it's going to cook around 6 hours, give or take.  And before that, it should sit out at room temperature for a few hours.  So if we eat around 2, I need to get it in before 8, and so it needs to come out of the fridge between 5 and 6.

After the beef is done, I'll take that out of the pan, jack up the oven temp to around 400 or something (I have to look it up) and bake the yorkshire pudding in the drippings from the meat.  Probably two pans' worth, since I'll eat an entire pan myself if given the opportunity.

Anyway - the meat comes out gorgeous this slow-cooked way.  I'll try to remember to take pictures just to show you HOW gorgeous. 

Bill's going to grill a couple of chickens for the non-red-meat-eating members of the family, and we'll have a variety of side dishes as well. 

And that's the scoop.

Don't know how much posting I'll do over the next couple of days, so in case you're wondering where the heck I am, now you know.  I'm in the kitchen.

Last Day (at work)

Nope - sorry - no cookie recipe last night.  I packed up more cookies to give out, including assortments for the kids' teachers, and after I got the kids in bed and did the dishes and FINALLY wrote out (most of) my Christmas cards...I was done.  I flopped on the couch and watched something on TV with my husband about how the Grand Canyon was formed (did you know it was aliens what did it?  Just kidding.) - and then I fell asleep.

So today is my last day at work at the place I've been for the past 11 or so years.

I think I'll need to pick up a box of tissues on my way in, since I don't have any at my desk.  I just have a feeling it will not be a dry-eyed day.

But also, I have Christmas shopping to run around and do on my lunch break, and maybe on the way home, too.  Bill's picking up the kids from daycare today so I don't have to worry about that.

But still.  I have to take stuff home with me today from my desk.  Pictures of the kids.  Coffee mugs.  Stuff in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet that I've accumulated - I'm not even sure what's in there or what I'll actually keep.  And a huge prayer plant that did well at work because the cat couldn't chew on the leaves.  Not sure where we'll put that here....there is no safe place.  Oh well.  We'll figure that out.

Sorry this is an uneventful post.  I'm trying to just not think about stuff too much yet. 

So instead - a few pictures. 

I had done a post about Short Dough not too long ago.  Here are a couple of cookies I'd cut out for ME (not the kids) to decorate.  I really love doing this sort of thing.  I wish I'd had time to do a bigger variety, but that didn't happen this year. 

Anyway - I did angels...

And one of my favorites - cows.

I'm calling them Ho Ho Ho Holsteins.  No I'm not really.  But I could. 

I think they're cute.  And I love cows.  And why should reindeer get all the Christmas festooning?  Just because they can fly and all....

I'm babbling.  Time to get the kids moving along, I think.  Get this day going. 

I'm sort of dreading it, to be honest. 

Cookie? No, thanks.

I was dropping some cookies off at the UPS store yesterday and one of the employees asked if I wanted a cookie.  There was a large tray of cookies out on the table in the middle of the small room.  About 2/3 of the cookies were gone.  Looked like peanutbutter cookies and snickerdoodles.

Anyway, they guy had finished helping a customer and went back to his thermos of coffee and a half-eaten peanutbutter cookie behind the counter.  "Would you like a cookie, ma'am?"

I am resigned to "ma'am." 

I laughed to myself and politely declined the cookie offer. 

No, really.  I've had my fill.  Thanks anyway.

Today I'm bringing them a small selection of my cookies.  They're really nice people in that office - I've been shipping cookies out of that office for the past couple of years now and they're mostly the same group of employees and the manager.  So.  I'm sharing.

I have shipped all the cookies I'm going to ship.

Today we have our Christmas party in my dept at work.  I'm bringing in Butternut Squash and Roasted Garlic Bisque - which is a fabulous winter vegetable soup that I've been making around the holidays (usually Thanksgiving) for a number of years now.  Try it.  It's easy and it's yummy and it's got roasted garlic in it, so how can you go wrong there?

Anyway, it should be a good day of eating. 

I've still got Christmas shopping to do, some of which I'll attempt on my lunch break today, and more tomorrow.  Oy.  No matter how much I think I'm in good shape, prep-wise, I always end up feeling like I'm running around desperately during the last few days before the holiday.  But oh well, it will get done.

I've still got cookies to plate up and hand out to family and neighbors.  Last night I was putting together some trays and I got this insane thought that I just don't have enough.  It happens every year, despite the stacks of plastic boxes filled with cookies in the dining room.  I still worry I will run out and someone will go cookie-less.

I told Bill last night that some misguided part of my brain believes that I need to have enough cookies to feed every recipient for a week.  I don't know where that came from, but there it is. 

I still have cards to send out too.  AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH.  I don't know when I'll get them done. 

Well, enough of the whining.

I don't have a cookie recipe to post today - my apologies - it's just been so nuts these last several days that I am not prepared this morning.  Hopefully tonight, but I can't promise anything.

So in the meantime, here are a few pictures I've taken recently.  They're mostly my kids.  Julia's eye will not be pink in the pictures, in case you were worried.  Or hopeful. 

Julia, by the way, is very much the little mommy lately.  She has four baby dollies (all of them apparently are warm enough without clothing on, as Mommy Julia has removed said clothing long ago and who knows where it all ended up.)  And there's also her pink elephant - her favorite stuffed animal and companion and germ receptacle.

The other day Julia and her elephant were sitting on the couch watching something on tv and suddenly I heard, in a small, cramped voice that came from the corner of Julia's mouth "shut up."  Immediately, Julia's eyes flew open and her mouth made a large "O" of astonishment.  "Did you hear that?" she asked.  "Elephant said a bad word!" 

Two of her little baby dolls spent the entire night in time out (on the ottoman in the basement) and when I asked why, Julia informed me that "They said a bad word called shut up and stupid."

Those - shut up and stupid - are Julia's favorite cuss words, and in order to say them without getting in trouble, she has figured out that if elephants or babies say them, she's not at fault, especially if she is just as outraged as us taller people.

And a couple nights ago I was in the kitchen working on cookies (what else?) and she came in with the smallest of her apparal-challenged children, held the doll out to me and said, in a thoroughly I've-had-it-up-to-here tone "Here.  Take her.  She did poop."

(Look, Ma!  No neck!)

Okay...now my other child.

Another night while I was working on some cookies...I was just icing an outline on the cookies, and Alex came up to say goodnight on his way to bed. 

He stared at what I had done so far and then asked "Mommy, aren't you going to decorate them with beautiful detail?"

His vocabulary frightens me a little.  He trots out these unexpected words and phrases and I just stare at him - where did you come from??

And then he starts making monkey sounds (Curious George) and everything falls back into place.

Okay, I've got to get moving.  Have a lovely day, and I'll try to put up a cookie recipe tonight.  Sorry I've been slacking!

If it's not one thing...

...it is, of course, another.

I'm home today because Julia has

                                                "I"

Yes, that's right.  Pink eye.  Only one is pink at this moment.  I'm hoping it just stays that way.  I mean - only one, instead of two.  No, I don't want her eye to STAY pink.   

Although...given the color and her girly-girl nature (sometimes, when she's not brandishing firewood at her brother), it would probably be sort of appropriate.

Anyway, I'll be back here at some point later this morning, once I've brought Alex to kindergarten.

In the Cookie Jar: Biscotti with Candied Ginger, Mini Chocolate Chips and Almonds

Okay, have to hurry this morning, are you ready?

First, set your oven to 325 degrees F.

Here's your ingredients:

1/2 cup of unsalted butter

1 cup plus 2 T granulated sugar (separated into a half cup and a half cup plus the 2 T)

3 eggs, separated

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

3 cups flour

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup whole almonds

1 cup mini chocolate chips

1 cup diced candied ginger

Got all that?  Good.

Now - first, in your mixing bowl, cream together the butter and a half cup of the sugar until light and fluffy.

Add in your egg yolks and vanilla and combine well.

Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt, and gradually add that in, too.  The mixture will seem dry and crumbly, but that's okay.

Now.  In another PERFECTLY CLEAN AND DRY MIXING BOWL, with A PERFECTLY CLEAN AND DRY WHISK ATTACHMENT, pour in the egg whites and beat them...

until soft peaks form.  Gradually add in the remaining sugar and continue beating until you have stiff peaks.

In a large bowl, fold the whites into the flour mixture,

and then fold the nuts, chocolate and ginger into that.

Knead the dough on a board briefly

and divide in half.

Shape each half into a log and set on a parchment-lined cookie sheet.  Press down to flatten a bit.

Bake these for about 25-30 minutes, or until they start turning golden brown and are firm to the touch. 

When done, remove the pans and allow them to cool slightly.

Drop the oven temperature to 300 degrees F.

Put one loaf on a cutting board, on an angle to you, and slice into half-inch wide pieces.

Place these back on the baking sheet and then repeat with the other loaf.

Place the loaf pans back in the oven and bake for another 15 minutes or so until dry and crisp.  Allow to cool on the baking pans.

Try not to eat them all in one weekend.

Twenty Minutes

I set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes, so I could just check my email and write a post about biscotti or torrone or gnocchi or something before the day gets too far under way.

Twenty minutes, before it would be time to get the kids cleaned and dressed and ready to go see Santa later this morning where I work.

Twenty. Lousy. Minutes.

Twenty minutes of "uninterrupted" time.

Because, unless I'm the only human in the house, I have no "uninterrupted" time.

I put "uninterrupted" in quotes like that because it's not a real word, a real concept.  It's all theoretical. 

But I persist.

I get my laptop and my wireless card and my recipe notes and my cold coffee and sit on the couch and go into one of my email accounts.

And Bill decides he's going to fix the storm door NOW, rather than after we get home.

And Julia comes upstairs FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I AM SITTING QUIETLY TRYING TO DO SOMETHING OF MY OWN.  I already cooked them all breakfast.  I was already up at 3:30 with Julia and then Alex joined us at 4:21 and so it's already been a long day of needs and wants.

And now Julia has to go potty.

And Bill is taking the window part out of the storm door.

And Julia "I'm DONE!" needs me to turn the water on so she can wash her hands because she's too short, even on a stool, to reach the faucet.

And where does Bill decide to bring the window that he's fixing the frame of for the storm door?

Right into the living room where I am!!

So he can TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT HE'S DOING AS HE'S DOING IT.

And then Julia wants to show me the two "Little People" that are playing together - apparently Mary and one of the Wise Men like to wrestle.  Hmm.  I'm just going to ignore that.

And then "AHA!"  Bill has been successful in some fashion.

He needs to TELL ME!

So he does.  "The screen was bent and you know there was no way it was going to be fixed and the directions weren't quiet accurate for this door, they weren't matching up, and screen screen screen fix and bent and there was just no way" he is shaking his head "just no way" and I am staring at him without changing expression as he becomes more emphatic at the just no wayness about the screen or something - and to be honest, I wasn't listening, I was just wondering how long he would continue to talk and talk and tell me about the door and the screen and didn't I say I just wanted twenty minutes, TWENTY STINKING MINUTES, just to do what I wanted to do????

He reiterated - "There was NO WAY that screen something something something."

And he looked at me with that expectant expression, waiting for me to be equally up in arms about the screen and its issues.

And I just burst out laughing. 

And he thought it was because of the screen.

And then Julia came over and watched me type and hollered "RED LIGHT!" at me so my fingers would stop, but I RAN that red light and kept typing, because these are MY TWENTY MINUTES even though the timer went off two minutes ago but I figure I used up time helping Julia with the faucet and Bill with the listening.

And then Bill is bringing the window back to put it in the door thing, and while he's gathering his stuff for that, Alex comes up "Mommy?  C'n I have some juice?  Where's Mommy?  Mommy - c'n I have some juice?"  And Julia is making a stuffed animal bunny hop on my head, and Bill is talking again but I think it's to himself this time.

And now, my twenty minutes are long gone.

I wonder if they were ever here.

Words You Don't Want to Hear...

I was opening a box of unsalted butter in the kitchen.

Alex was in the dining room cutting out the peacock I'd just drawn for him.

Julia was also in the dining room.  She'd wanted me to draw a leopard for her to cut out, even though her scissor skills are not yet as her brother's.

Anyway.

I'm peeling open the end of the box.

And I hear an annoyed three years and almost five months old voice complain:

"Mommy, I'm trying to cut my hair and it's not coming off!"

Yeah.

And I dashed into the room and there, on the dark green tablecloth, were many 4-inch lengths of her beautiful golden blonde tresses. 

Not so many that it's very very obvious.  She didn't cut her bangs.  She cut a chunk from the hair which hangs in delicate layers on the left side of her face.

Now she's got delicate layers on one side, and a sharp gash on the other.

I guess, in a way, it suits her.

Because Getting Help is Not a Sign of Failure

It is a sign of strength.

An enormous thank you to Heather for writing this post and many others like it.

She says it all perfectly.  Go read it.